All is forgiven because I love you – Right?

Over the past few years I believe that I have pretty much redefined all aspects of my life.  There may be a few areas that are left and they’re being redefined as I speak.  Everything has a different meaning and I have a different understanding.  The change?  Instead of looking for ‘content,’ I consider what the context is.  Is it relevant to what I’m experiencing in the moment?  If not, maybe it’s not worth spending too much time on.  What may seem relevant in one breath, becomes irrelevant in the next.

There was a time in my life when I thought very little of myself and didn’t consider that I had anything to contribute to anyone’s  life.  I wasn’t smart enough or capable of doing anything on my own.  Well at least that’s was what I believed.  Now I see myself in a whole different light.  In this light I am an amazing, intelligent woman capable of taking action on my own behalf.  I have pulled myself up the the table of life and…yes, I’d like a second helping.

Where I stand now is a very different place and now I know, that what you think of me is none of my business.  Something else that I am now allowing myself to consider is that, “Not only is what you think of me none of my business, I don’t think I’m really interested in hearing it.” If I stop to consider my life based on someone’s opinion (which is based on their internal landscape may I add), there’s a good chance that my life will become small and puny because that’s how they see.  I am so not willing to live my life small.

My life now is immense.  I not only see outside of the box, the lid and the top are so blown right off and I do not see them in sight.  The small puny way of living my life is gone. Why?  Because I no longer stop to consider that someone outside of me has the answers for what is right for me.

So I’m no longer willing to hear the words that say to me that I am small and insugnificant.  Whether or not the people in our lives say they love us or not, I ask you to consider this -  If  someone truly loves you, does it make it o.k. for them to speak to you in a condesending manner or in a way that say, “You don’t know what you’re talking about?”

Under the ‘guise’ of love it would seen that we should be willing to just simply accept these things and say, “It’s o.k. that you think so little of me.”  I know that what comes out of another person’s mouth is about them and guess what? It’s not o.k. if it’s directed towards me and creates an opportunity for me second guess my own true magnificence.

I am open to sharing the truth of who I hold myself to be.  I am willing to hear your truth of who you hold yourself to be.  What I also know is that our truths may be different and we don’t have to agree.  We also don’t have to apologize or forgive each other.  The whole notion of forgiveness makes me puke.  It’s as though we’re saying,  ‘Since you love me, it’s o.k. that you speak in ways that make me feel small.  I’m willing to accept that.”  Not friggin likely.

This is my life and you can’t have it.  This is my grandeur and I will no longer allow others to make me feel less than who I am in the world.  I am immense and have a huge passion for others as they move forward in their lives.  And, I’m not willing to lay down my life for someone else’s limiting beliefs.  I will not consider a life a of ‘less than’ when I know a life of ‘more than’ is possible and exists for all of us.

So my truth?  Respect yourself and respect others.  But…start by respecting yourself first.  So no, All is not forgiven because you love me.  I know what I know and am open to considering what I do not know, I do not know.  What I do know is that respecting yourself must come first before you can respect antoher human being.  I respect mySelf too much to allow for others to voice or spew their limiting beliefs in my direct.

Under the guise of Love, family and friends get to say things that make you feel less than who you are in the world.  Not on my holodeck.  The expression of, “We always hurt the ones we love,” makes me ill.  We say mean and hurtfull things because we have come to expect that others are simply willing to hear us spew our internal chaos at them.  Hmmm, not me – not anymore.  Our families, spouses, children and close friends are not our ‘dumping’ zones.

We have become the ‘wastelands’ of toxic sludge spewed out from generations of physical, mental and sexual abuse.  When does it all stop.  For me?  Right here right now.

Whether you’re in a relationship or have children or whatever, consider speaking up and speaking out and say, “NO.  All is not forgive. And I do not appreciate you speaking to me like that.”  Be done and voice that you’re done and stop what is going on in your life that no longer has meaning.

Creating space for others to consider their lives differently,

Amy

It is the essence of who I AM

I know now that who I AM and who I hold myself to be is, the very essence that awakens and ignites others.  Engaging with women is what I hold as meaningful for me in my life.  I look at how quickly transformation and evolution becomes theirs to claim.

It is the essence of who I am that ignites others’ embers so they remember and rediscover that which they have forgotten.  The genius and magnificence of who we are in the world possibly was extinguished when we were very young.  Who I am and what I offer others in the excitement of endless possibilities.  A life of limitations is not my reality.  A life of endless possibilities is my life and what I have to share with others.

Women in my life are awakening to their own potential.  It’s not that they don’t know they potential or know that there are other possibilities rather they’ve forgotten who they are and look to the outside world for guidance and confirmation of who they are.  I see the magnificence of each and every woman that I engage with and there is no exception.

I heard someone once say that their spirit was taken away from them at a young age.  My thoughts is that our spirit has always been there and can never be taken away.  However what I do believe, is that our own internal ‘impulses’ were squashed down and we learned at a very young age not to trust the truth of our own experience.

“I have to pee.” No you don’t.  “I’m hungry.”  How can you be?  You just ate.

Although this may seem like I’m simplifying things, this is exactly how easy it is for us to have started to question our own internal cues in the body.  When these experiences start at the ages of two or three and we’re taught that they’re wrong, why would we question the adults around us?  Obviously they’re older and wiser right?  Hmmm, not so much.

If you wonder where or when you started questioning yourself and your own abilities, look to the past of when you were taught that what you were sensing in your body was wrong.  If we can’t rely on our own sensory acuity, then best we look outside ourselves to the ‘experts.’

I don’t consider myself to be an expert on your life.  I do however know that I am the expert on my life.  I’m willing to share with you the truth of my own experience.  My life has changed because I am willing to believe in myself and I trust that my body knows something that my intellect couldn’t possibly understand.  I AM a living expression of what becomes possible when you believe in yourself and allow your body to lead.

My approach with women is quite simple and is viewed as so refreshing.  Why?  Because it’s not what we experience as a constant in our lives.

Honest, Open, Clear and Direct.  This is what I have to offer and this is what awakens the women in my life to their own potential.   What does become possible for you in all aspects of your life as you allow yourself to consider a life without self imposed limitations?

I beleive that it’s the essence of who I am the creates a safe space for other to allow for the re-igniting of their flame.  I believe that when we were children that we knew we were maginficent until we were taught otherwise.  I’m here to share with you that only you are capable of allowing the fire within to burn bright.  I’m here to share with you that absolutely anything is possible.

The excitement that is the essence of who I am is meant to be shared with everyone who comes into my life.  Why?  Because sharing the truth and the excitement of my experience is what creates space for you to consider the ‘unimaginable.’  In my life remember, anything is possible.  I look at what I used to believe was outrageous, unimaginable or for that matter ‘unattainable’ and realize that those are old beliefs.

At the bottom of my email it says, “Only she who engages the absurd, can manifest the outrageous?”  And that is, My Reality.  Absolutely anything is possible.  I no longer live my life based on fear or scarcity.  An abundant life is what I experience every moment of every day.  All this and all I have to do is breath, follow the impulse and know the truth of my experience.

As I claim more of my own magnificence, the women in my life know that it’s safe to claim theirs.  I’m choosing to go first in my life to claim my own magnificence so that you can go first in your life to claim yours.  I’m aware that I’m repeating myself differently because what I know is that sometimes it simply takes a another  pass from a different direction to discover that our lives are anything but linear.

What I know in this moment is that if I don’t share the excitement and HUGE visions of what I SEE as Possible, that not only do I keep myself small but I’ll keep you small as well.  By holding the excitement of what I see as possible within me, (keep it to myself) I’m holding myself back and I am so not willing to do that to you or to myself.

If we allow the true essence of who we are to shine through, not only will our lives expand and grow but so will everyones.

Transformation and Evolution is a state of Being!

Amy

There first must be a willingness…

In my last blog I speak of what allowed me to change my life.  It was the ‘willingness to claim in all.’  However, before claiming it even entered the ‘equation,’ first there had to be the ‘willingness.’  Without it, I have nothing  that will create the space for me to move forward.  If I’m not willing to consider something different and then choose , how could I possibly move forward in my life?  I can’t honestly say that it has been fun claiming that I have had distasteful outcomes in my life because of the choices that I’ve made.  However without me first claiming responsibility, I know for a fact that I would not be where I am now.

I AM a Changed Woman.  And I had the willingness to first consider many different things in my life.  One of the first things that I had to wrap my brain around (and yes it was the brain because that is where my intellect remains alive and well), was the possibility that I had to take on responsibility for everything that happened in my adult life.  Even though I may have been molded and well shaped to be the adult that I was, at what point did I allow myself to stop making reference to the past and living a limiting life?

There is  no one outside of me that can have any kind of an impact on my life unless I’m willing to consider that they are experts on being me.  Since there’s no one living in my body but me, chances are – I AM the expert in my life and I get to choose.  If I’m not liking the out come, best I choose differently.

If you have a willingness to consider that something different is possible, then you’re right.  If you believe that you have no choice but to live the life that you’ve ‘been handed,’ then you’re right about that too.  Whatever you think…you’re right.  I was tired of listening to what  everyone else was saying about my life and making them right.  Now I have a knowing that absolutely anything is possible and I create my reality.

Have a willingness to consider what else is possible and see what you create for yourself.  Claim your magnificence and discover for your Self, that anything is possible.

Creating a safe space for you to consider your life differently,

Amy

Willing to Claim it ALL

My life has been so different over the past couple of years and what made the difference was, Me.  Being willing to claim everything in my life as something of my own creation.  Why would I create such ‘turmoil’ or ‘confusion’ in my life?  I believe, to better understand who I am and who I have become.

I can’t say that life has always been a great joy for me.  I also have to reflect upon the choices that I made that got me to where I was.  In this breath, I now revel in the choices that I have made to bring me to where I am now.  In each and every moment, the choice is mine.  Do I sit her sharing the truth of my experience, or do I keep it to myself in fear of what others may think of me?

I’m all grown up now, so I care less about what others think of me and care more about how I feel about myself.  If I’m making choices that make me feel good on the inside, then in a breath – I exhale that very expression of who I am out into the universe where others can experience it as well.

There is nothing bad that happens to me anymore.  There is nothing good that happens to me either.  Absolutely everything that unfolds in my life is about gaining experience so that I can become more in my own life.  As I inhale new information or experiences, I create the space to allow and welcome them to integrate into the very being that I am.  As I exhale, I breath out the new expression of who I am.

There is truly nothing in my life that I’m not willing to share with others.  In my life, I choose to consider everything as moving through an experience.  As I move through it and gain clarity, why wouldn’t I want to share it with another?  I believe that life isn’t suppose to be difficult.  Well what if I have some information that will  make it possible for you to move through your experience effortlessly?  Isn’t it nice to know, that in my view of the world it’s about sharing the truth of my experience.

As I stand tall in this moment knowing that I am no longer that person that I was,  I can reflect back and beat myself up for what was or I can realize that I only made choices based on limiting knowledge.  Now I know something different.  Without the my past experiences, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

I wasn’t always wanting to claim everything in my past as something which I created based on my choices.  However, that was then and this is now. I now stand in a different place and claim everything and I mean ‘everything,’ as something of my own creation.  Since I know for myself that I have created it, I may want to consider why I created it and what’s there for me to learn?

I have given up ‘thinking,’ and now I create space to consider what else is possible in my life?  Thinking is over rated.  I suggest you allow yourSelf to ‘Consider’ what else is possible for you in your life should you be willing to, ‘Claim it all.’

Allowing myself to consider…What else is possible for me?

Amy

A gentle discovery

While chatting with a friend this morning, we discovered something together.  I was sharing how it always seems that I attract people (including my family) that feel the need to be forth coming with their thoughts.

I said something without thinking or considering what it meant and it was beautiful.  I Am the safe space for others to share their truth without fear of judgment. I paused and so did my friend.  Wow, I AM the Safe Space for others to Share their truth without fear of judgment.

With all the things that have unfolded in my life lately, I never considered why I seem to be the person for whom people just open up and share their truth no matter what.  It’s as though they know that I will not only hear their words, but I will hear them differently.  I cannot judge another human being.  There is true brilliance in the way that life unfolds and I can see it and I can hear it.

Why can’t I see what sometimes others see?  Because I look beyond what is presented and am able to see the genius of the experience in the moment.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that I know what it’s all about, it simply means that I know that there’s more and it’s never about what it’s about.

When I shared with my daughter that I could see many changes in the way that my husband moves through his world, she couldn’t see it.  When I shared with my husband that our daughter has been changing, he can’t see it.  They’re both seemingly seeing only what is right in front of them.  A friend that I saw on the weekend said that I have a gift.  I have the gift of clearly seeing beyond what is in front of me.  I always consider, What Else?

Sometimes what I ’see’ doesn’t always seem like a gift to me.  When it comes to my family and they can’t see (or won’t see) beyond what’s in front of them, I feel frustrated.  The nice thing is that I can feel frustrated and in the frustration, I know that I stand tall in who I am in the world and I am not alone.

In many ways I believe that I become the invitation for others to truly consider their lives differently and wonder what else is possible in their lives.  I AM the Safe Space where others can share the truth of their experience and not fear judgment.

My life isn’t perfect.  My way of parenting, isn’t perfect.  I’m clearly, not perfect and yet I know that I’m magnificent in many ways.  I know that to be my truth.    Because I am able to see beyond my warts and imperfections, I’m able to see beyond yours.  What lies beyond or beneath the warts and imperfections, is pure genius.  There’s room to grow and discover what else and what more is possible  if you just take a breath and consider what are the things which hold meaning for you.

It has been such an incredible week already and I still ponder what else is possible as the day continues.  I don’t really care if it’s sunny.  I don’t particularly care if it’s raining.  I have nothing to do, but ‘Be.’  In a state of ‘being,’ there is nothing left for me but trusting and knowing, that life always unfolds exactly how it should.  In a state of ‘being,’ I know that there is great genius in everthing.  In a state of ‘being,’ I live moment to moment – breath to breath and know that anything is possible.

Seeing the genius of – Living in the moment,

Amy

Life in Coma

There are times in my life when I realize that slipping into default and living my life in automatic (or mindlessly), is quite appealing.  How easy would it be for me in this moment to go back to pretending and living my life as a complete and total illusion of what I know life can be for me.  Unfortunately, and I do mean unfortunately – that is not an option for me.

I’ve spent my morning walking around in a state of confusion.  Even now as I write there are tears in my eyes.  Nothing more than information moving in my body and in this moment…the tears have something attached to it that others would label as pain or sadness.

As I got into my car this morning I let out a cry of what I would associate with anguish.  “Go back to pretending.  Go back to pretending.  It’s easier.  It’s so much easier.”  Again, in this moment – I wish it were an option for me.  However to let go of the person that I’ve become is something that I cannot do.  What’s funny about all of this is the fact that I didn’t think that I remembered who I am or who I have become but that isn’t true either.

I know that as I sit here writing with tears flowing, that this is indeed life and it’s living it fully.  Oh, who ever said that living your life fully was a piece of cake and always fun? 

Living life is a choice.  Living in a coma and just surface gliding is a choice as well.  Some people (and I’m one of them), also call it coma.  A different version of sleep walking.  Living life in an automated way based on habituated responses because of not being aware that something else exists.  I did surface gliding for quite a few years and now – well it simply doesn’t appeal to me anymore.  This on the other hand doesn’t feel that appealing either however I can sit in my state of confusion knowing that this is a brilliant opportunity for me to discover more about myself and the more that I can become.  Clearly, there are times in my life that I don’t always have the answers for myself.  (Well, I may have them and there’s a good chance that I’m not ready to look at them yet). 

I love my life and sometimes it really isn’t easy and other times it’s quite simple.  My life isn’t static by any means.  Ebb and flow, peaks and valleys – Call it whatever you want but I know that the genius of it, is that I’ve created it all.

So with everything going on in my life I am quite clear that living a life in coma is not an option for me at all.  There is growth in chaos and uncertainty.  I believe that I create it to keep experiencing something new and as I gain the experience in my body, I get to choose differently and I get to share it with others.

There’s always more and it truly never ends.

Live life and feel the pain or live in a coma and get on a plain.  The pain may be what you need to experience in order to stop the insanity of habituated response (repeating history).  The plain may be a temporary fix and know that the ‘pain’ awaits your arrival.

Living life is about moving through it not walking around it.  If you choose a different path which takes you further away from what is in front of you, know that your destination that you seek  is moving further away from you as well.

I sit here wondering if I’ve made any sense with what I just wrote.    I’m going to say yes and trust that I wouldn’t have taken time to write and share that I too experience confusion/chaos no different than anyone else.

Time for me to relax into myself and ponder, what is this all about.  I’m not necessarily looking for an answer and yet the space and time to ponder what this is for me is needed in this moment.

Knowing that there’s genius in the confusion and chaos,

Amy 

Relationships, parenting, life…..

It isn’t always pretty and doesn’t come with a bow.  Remember being younger and fantasizing about what life was going to be like when you grew up?  I know I did and I knew it was going to be different than what I was seeing with my own eyes.. and I knew that I was going to parent differently… and I knew how my life ‘wasn’t’ going to look.  And…I was right about all of it. 

Some of you may think that this sounds silly, but is it?  I discovered that life is indeed everything that I make it.  Yes the key word is, ‘I Make’ it.  I do indeed create my own reality based on the choices that I make.  Sometimes I delight over the out comes and sometimes….well…let’s just say that I don’t. 

What others see from the outside, isn’t exactly what we are experiencing on the inside of our homes or for that matter, within our bodies.  Our reality of what we’re experiencing on the inside, doesn’t remotely align with what we’re expressing as reality to the outside world.  We think we’re teaching our children to be honest when in reality we’re teaching them to lie.  We lie about our relationships, we lie about our children and we lie about life in general.  How do we know what is real and what isn’t anymore?  Life in many ways is nothing more than an illusion.  What we see and others see, is nothing more than what we’re allowing them to see and it isn’t  necessarily true.

When we’re at work, we act one way.  When we’re at home, we act another way.  When we’re with friends, we act yet another way.  Why are we looking for ‘best friends’?  Cause they’re the only ones who truly know us. Why?  Because there’s a good chance that they’re the only ones we don’t lie to…well…at least not completely.

We want our lives to be the pretty picture that we thought about when we were little.  You know, the way things are supposed to be.  Finish high school, go to university, get a ‘good’ job, get married, have kids, make everyone proud of us.  Hmmm, sounds depressive as I stop to consider myself and clients that I’ve spoken with.  We’re hell bound bent on living up to others expectations of who and what we should be and what we should be doing and even in what time frame.  This is insanity if you ask me and yet, I too bought into if for a period of time.

Unfortunately we’re killing ourselves trying to make things work and pretending that they are, when clearly they’re not.

Let’s get honest.  Although this is an expression, this  is the key to everything.  It wasn’t all that long ago that I wouldn’t have believed it to be so and yet now, this is my reality.

If we get honest with ourselves and only do the things that we really want to or have a sense of enjoying we’ll get to experience relationships, parenting and our lives (in general) much more fullfilling than we ever thought possible.

Instead of getting together with ‘friends’ and complaining about what isn’t working in your life, why not make a personal note to ’self’ and reconsider what you’ve been doing to create the results and consider what could you change to create something more meaningful and fun.

What else becomes possible for you in your life when you really get honest?  What will your life look like?  How will you parent?  Does your relationship flourish or do you discover that you’ve only been pretending and it was over long time ago?  You may discover that by getting honest and choosing only what is meaningful to you, creates a whole different reality than what you’ve ever experienced before.

Have a wonderful day considering….

What if? And the possibilities are Endless.

Amy

A reminder

Last week I saw something which allowed me to remember that, Things aren’t always as they appear.

I noticed – what at first glance appeared to be a moth, trapped between two window panes and then at a  second glance it looked like a butterfly.  Hmmm, trapped between the inside pane and the outside one.  I watched for a couple of days looking all around the window looking to see if there was any possibility that it could get out to free itself.  I did notice a couple of spots where maybe it could get out but then again, a second glance made me realize that the poor thing would die because not only was it trapped, there was no oxygen between the panes.

I pondered over how often in our lives do things appear to be fine from the outside (our appearance) and yet on the inside, we’re dying because we can’t breathe?  How often are we trapped between what we know is our truth and someone elses?  Yet we try to keep up our appearances and wonder why no one is offering to help us when we’re trapped in our ‘pain.’  What if we chose to simply ask for what we need or want?

I believe that we’re all capable of doing many things on our own and for ourselves.  However I also believe that sometimes if we just opened our mouths and asked for what we wanted, that not only would others be happy to help us out but we’d discover that we’re not alone in our wants and needs.

Keeping things up for appearence sake can not only be exhausting, it can kill you.  Not necesarilly right away but keep in mind that if what you feel/sense on the inside of your body isn’t expressed to the outside world, it will manifest in the body as something.  Indigestion, acid reflux and I could make a list however if something is going on in your body – know that it’s about you and consider asking yourself, “What is it that I need for myself in this very moment?”  And here’s the thing, it’s not only about being honest with others it’s about being honest with yourself as well.  I think that was the toughest one for me.  I had no problem being honest with others, just myself.  Hmmm, ‘just’ myself.    That’s a big one.

I’m reminded again of the butterfly.  How beautiful it was, and it still died looking beautiful.

If we find ourselves in situations where we can’t breath, maybe we need take a moment as ask ourselves a simple and easy question.  “In this moment, what do I need in my life that would help me breath?  What could I do to create a different reality for myself if the one that I’m in is no longer working?”

I honestly wonder how often to we actually stop and consider our needs and wants?  If no one outside of you is asking you the question, who cares?  What’s not to say you do something new and fun?  Ask yourself.  There is no one’s opinion outside of me that matters more than mine.  Hmmmm, ego talking?  Nope, I know that I’m looking out for my best interest because I’m the only one ‘in’ here where I live. 

How often do we walk around ‘judging’ people by their outside appearences, without even considering that they may have something going on in their personal lives which is difficult?  How often do we ourselves paint on the happy face so that no one can see our pain?  What makes us or anyone esle any different?  Appearences are just that.  Appearences.

If you want to change your appearance, may I suggest that you consider checking in with your body to see what you really want or need instead of purchasing a new wardrobe?

Creating Space for you to consider your life differently.

Amy 

Only looking at what’s in front of us

I was in conversation with a great friend of mine and I shared a thought with her.  When this ‘notion’ first came into my awareness I was intrigued by the mere thought of it.

What if the things that are lying right in front of us are actually distractions that we create?  Why would we do that?  Well, knowing that every response is an intelligent response – there must be great genius to it.

With that in mind, what if we never look beyond what is right in front of us?  What are we not noticing?  If we were to consider that everything that is right before our eyes is a distraction and is keep us from something more, wouldn’t we mindfully choose to consider what else there is?

If it’s never about what it’s about, wouldn’t it seem obvious that we’re creating a distraction?  Possibly for nothing more than to really stop and consider something different.

We’ve become ‘Masters of Excuses.’  Because we don’t look beyond the very thing in front of us, we can’t possibly see that we have other options.  The question is, do we realize it and out of fear (and or habit) choose to only look at what’s right there and nothing else?  That too of course is an intelligent response in that moment.

If you’re saying that your life isn’t everything that you’d like it to be, then that means  you’d be wise to stop and consider what else there may be. What else is there for you if you were to pause and look beyond what is in front of you?

We run, we rush, we don’t choose mindfully and then don’t understand why we’re looking forward to Friday.  What we don’t stop to think about is that Saturday and Sunday are no different than any other day of the week.  However we have this old limiting belief that we can’t choose for ourselves during the week so therefore, we simply don’t.

OH I can hear it now.  “When I’m at work, I don’t have a choice.  I have to do what I’m told or they’ll fire me.”  Well, you did choose to work there and if it isn’t really meaningful to you in any way, shape or form, pay attention to that and choose mindfully.  You may discover that there is something else for you that awaits your consideration.  You very well may have to pause, take a deep breath and look beyond the obvious for ‘what else?’

Yesterday I met with some women and I put something out to them, which really caused a ’stir.’  I could sense their agitation in their bodies and I loved it.  Yes, I love it.  I couldn’t tell them why I did what I did and had no idea what it was about.  Because for me, it’s never about the obvious ‘action,’ it’s about something else.

What I realized is with what I ‘put out there’ for their consideration, is causing some ‘turmoil’ in their bodies.  Because they have absolutely no past history for what I shared, they now stand in a different place and need to consider themselves first and foremost and consider what is it that is truly meaningful for them.

I marvel in how they’ve all approached it and I’m sure that they had ‘choice’ words for me.   Again, I simply smile.  Imagine ‘putting’ individuals in a position where they have to stop and really choose what is meaningful to them?  Hmmm, love it!  that is who I am and that is what I offer.

Creating Space for others to Consider their lives differently

Amy

aka ‘The Pot Stirrer’ 

Consider the Yin and Yang

I just went back and reread my parenting blog, which I just started about a week ago.  http://parenting4potential.wordpress.com/

I had pondered over the thought for a month or so and then something changed in my life and I realized at that point, there was a sense of urgency to change the way we look at parenting.  It’s time for a new perspective or our children will be repeating what we’ve repeated and has been repeated for generations.  Sounds like insanity of the finest kind.

Last week I had lots to process in my life.  My life is always about engaging from moment to moment, breath to breath.  Standing in what I’ve known and looking up to consider what else?  I could make up all kinds of stories about my experience and it simply wouldn’t matter because my experience is unique to me.  And as I write that, I want to share with you that I chose to stand in a place where I’ve never stood before.

A week  has passed since my daughter was given a letter that threatened her life.  The next day I witnessed the aftermath of a child who had been beaten.  The next day another experience.  Then the next day yet another experience.  None of which I would have  chosen to create in myself and yet here it was.

Holding in my arms, the very child that threatened my daughters life.  The child was in tears and was unable to breath.  Her mother in tears and moving through so much information.  Again I chose to hold her in my arms as well, so that she could calm her body and start a relaxed breathing.

I can hear myself saying, “This is not about pointing the finger or blaming anyone.  I’m not angered by what has happened.”  The look of disbelief on the little girls face.  The look of disbelief on the mothers face.  Could it be that she was expecting something else?  Of course.  And why not.  What took place was not to be taken lightly and I didn’t.  I simply chose to view it differently.

Standing in what I’ve always known and looking ahead, gives me an opportunity to change what has always been.  In doing so I also create a different experience for my daughter.  She is witness to my experience and something different moves through her for her experience.

How easy would it be to yell and scream, blame, point out what was wrong, how dare you do that to my child.  And in a breath, absolutely none of that was there for me.  Rather then let the intellect get involved and make up stories about what could be, I breathed and allowed my body to lead.  My body said, “This child needs to be held.  This child needs to know that someone cares.  This child needs to know that something else exists beyond what she knows.”

Her body relaxed and the sobbing slowed with her change of breathing.  As I chose to go outside and speak with the mother, my daughter encouraged the little girl to breath and exhale slow.  I spoke with the mother.  I chose again to hold the mother in my arms.  Mindful of what I was saying and knowing that this is what felt right in my body.  It’s not about blaming.  It’s not about pointing the finger.  It’s about something else.

If I hadn’t of allowed the body to lead, who knows what the intellect could have produced.  A different outcome to say the least.  And yet for me, the intellect is not my driving force, my body is always what leads.  Call it instinct, intuition, godforce whatever you like, but I can tell you that witnessing and experiencing what I did and my daughter did, there was no room for more anger and frustration to be directed at another human being.

When I spoke to the mother I asked, “What do our children do when they have anger and frustrations mounting up in their bodies? – They write nasty letters because they don’t know what else to do.”  “What do we do as parents when we have anger and frustrations mounting inside of us? – I hold monthly women gatherings, so that we can talk about those things in a small group and safe space.   A space without judgment or finger pointing.”

Yes, I chose to invite the woman whose daughter wrote a letter to mine.  I chose differently because I know that is what it takes to change an outcome.

At the end of the day, we’re all individuals moving through our lives the best way we know how.  Until be consider things differently, nothing will change.  When I wrote, “Consider the Yin and Yang” it’s about not seeing only what’s in front of you, it’s about looking beyond and seeing what else is there that you’re not seeing or considering.  The absence of the presence.  Seeing what isn’t there when something is present.  I was able to see beyond what was right in front of me.  I could also see that there was an opportunity to change not only my life, but someone else’ life.

Sometimes it’s not easy remembering that we’re all individuals moving through our worlds based on what we’ve been taught.  Last week I chose differently and created a different experience not only for myself, but for my daughter, another daughter and another mother.  I’m feel good with what I taught my daughter.  It’s about looking beyond and seeing what else could come from this experience.

I was in conversation with a group of women on Monday and one said that I was able to look for the positive in the experience (my words of course).  In that moment when she said that, I realized that I wasn’t looking for anything.  I wasn’t in the intellect therefore I was only following impulses in the body.  What felt right for me in each moment of each breath.  Not ‘thinking’ beyond the breath rather simply being in the moment and choosing only what felt right.

As I relax into who I am in this moment, I know that I am much more than what I was taught to believe I am.  I also know that because of the choices I made, I am much more than who I was last week.

In a breath, evolution and transformation takes place.

Moment to moment, breath to breath.

Consider the Yin and Yang

Amy