This morning I sit here knowing how meaningful my life is. It hasn’t always been fun being me and certainly isn’t always fun now however for the most part it is.
This week I gathered at my office with some truly magnificent women. There were times when I heard the words coming out of my mouth and knew that others perception could be that they were harsh. Nonetheless they came out of my mouth and consciously. I am no longer willing to not show up in my life and be fully present to myself and those around me. And most certainly I know that others will have opinions about that and I am so very clear…..What You think Of Me is Absolutely None of My business. I know things and I’m no longer not willing to share what I know and what it has taken me to reclaim, redefine and start living my life fully.
(Before I go any further, let me share that I do not believe in health issue like others do. I believe that tumors, heart dis-ease, Irritable Bowel Syndrome you fill in the blank, are nothing more that unprocessed information held in the tissue of the body. I have experienced my own personal health issue that I had since I was 6 until I was 40 disappear. I have witnessed others health issues including tumors and IBS disappear as well. I can no longer not share what I know and what I have witnessed).
In the beginning of 2007 I was introduced to a woman who had just gone through having a mastectomy and seemed to be of the mind set that it didn’t have to happen. She had a knowing in her body that something else was possible other than what she had gone through.
My intention here is to share my experience of what it was me and what I witnessed.
She decided to come to me for CODE Model™ coaching sessions. (CODE – Creation Out of Deep Energy).
Through many conversations she soon started to have an understanding of how easily we create our realities. (And no I’m not saying she asked for Breast Cancer however her thoughts were manifesting in physical space and time). Knowing that the body is the last frontier she knew that unprocessed, not digested or unmetabolized information was what the so called tumor was.
About two months after she came to see me, another growth had appeared and it was a little larger than the size of my fist. She decided to start with the coaching sessions again. After a very short period of time, what the medical society was calling a tumor had disappeared. They had no scientific explanation as to why it disappeared except, “Maybe we misdiagnosed it and it wasn’t as bad as we had thought.” Something the size of a fist?
It seemed that after being diagnosed with cancer, all of her family ‘knew’ she was going to die. When she would speak with them, they all spoke with a ‘tone’ of know that she didn’t have much time left. To be honest, she spoke and looked no different than I did meaning that her appearance and ‘mental’ state were not that of a ‘dying’ person.
We became great friends she and I. She lit me up just thinking about her. I called her ‘My Hippie Chick Friend’ which was my term of indearment for her. We both had great laughs and could be in conversations for hours. We had a very honest friendship and if I were to make up a story…it would be that the honesty was what was allowing her to live. Without honesty, she would seem to wither.
So tumor free and full of life, she called me one day and sounded (what others call) depressed. I wasn’t sure where it was coming from until she announced that her mother and sister were flying down to take care of her. I laughed and and asked said, “Why? Are you sick?” We both laughed because she was really thriving in her life and was making changes in her life that were meaningful to her. However, her friends and family were less than pleased by her changes. Why? Because she didn’t wake up in the morning asking herself what she could do to help them out or make their lives better. She stopped doing for others and starting only doing what was fun for herself.
She blossomed and bloomed and it was wonderful to be part of it. And…something changed.
Her family arrived with their doom and gloom outlook and all of a sudden she started to allow what others thought of her to be more important than whether or not she was happy and having fun. I would call the house and her sister and mother would lie to me about her being there. “oh you just missed her. She’s gone for a walk.” After hearing this a few times I started to wonder whether they may be lying. A couple of days later I received a call from my friend on her cell phone. She was speaking in a very low voice. Her words sent shivers up my spine and my body became chilled. (I know how powerful words are and how they create our reality if we believe what we’re saying).
“They’re killing me. They no longer let me do what I want to do, they’re screening all of my calls and they listen in on my conversations when they think I’m on the phone. I can’t breath. They’re treating me like I’m dying when I’ve just started to live. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve decided to call the hospital and check myself in so that I don’t have to deal with them running my life.”
I went to see her in the hospital. Her hands were swollen and she didn’t look like the person I had seen but days before. During our 20 minute conversations, the swelling in her hands were gone and life returned to her face. I made reference to her hands so that she could see how life sustaining meaningful conversations could be. She smiled and said, “I need to get out of here when you get back and I’m sending them home. I don’t need their help”
I was going to be leaving for a week and we had plans for when I got back. I called her the Friday and told her that I was staying another day. She shared with me that she was checking out on the Saturday and to give her a few days and then we’d get together so she could go apartment hunting. We were both excited about it and I could tell by the strength in her voice that she was back and fully awake, ready to move forward.
A week later my husband was on the computer and asked if I had read the emails. He never asks and I was curious as to why. He asked, “Did you know that________ died?” I held my breath for a moment and the tears slowly started to flow. What happened? How could she be so strong and present, being ready to leave the hospital and then die?
I went to the funeral service and after I spoke with her mother. “Did she ever make it home? Oh no she responded. We wouldn’t let her. She wasn’t able to take care of herself and there’s no way that we could. We told the doctors to keep her there until she died. It was becoming too much work for us.”
She checked into the hospital cancer free and died the same way. They couldn’t explain why she seemly died in her sleep.
I believe (and this is my belief), that if she couldn’t live her life in a meaningful way, her way, then she’d rather not live at all.
So why am I so passionate about working with women and sharing with them everything that I know? Because I know that no one has to die of health issues. Lets get honest with ourselves and give ourselves permission to upset and not say yes when we really want to say no. Stop being so damn nice to everyone else and sacrificing your own being. Hidden behind the labels of Mother, wife, daughter, crohn’s, cancer, manager, supervisor etc., are individuals wanting to live. Our jobs, titles, labels are not who we are. Why wear them with a badge of honor when you’re grinding your teeth, holding your breath and dishonoring who you are?
Don’t beat yourself up for choices you’ve made in the past rather start choosing differently now and move forward and create the life that you’ve always wanted.
I remember one of the times my friend called me and said, “Tell me what to do?” (Telling people the steps that are required…beyond being honest, is not something that I do). She was in tears repeating, “I’m trying, I’m trying.” With a firm voice I said, “You need to stop ‘trying’ and start doing only what it meaningful to you and absolutely nothing else.” She stopped and crying and in that breath everything changed for her and that is when she started to live her life for herself…up until she allowed external references to override the knowing that she had in her body.
I honor myself and those in my life and am unwilling to not share what I know with them and to sit back and watch them die. I don’t want to stand quiet while people are going to ‘die trying’ especially when I know there’s another way. I love the women in my life and always share with them what else is possible and….The Possibilities are Endless.